Dajana Yoakley

Embracing Self-Compassion in Your Parenting Journey

What comes up for you when others suggest "you give yourself some compassion during this difficult time?"


Do you feel some resistance to the idea? Don't worry! You're not alone in this.


In this episode, I have the pleasure of sitting down with our special guest, Heidi Garcia, who is a certified Peaceful Parenting Coach.


Together, we delve into the transformative power of self-compassion in parenting, uncovering how it not only benefits us but also fosters resilience and development in our children. 🌱


🔍 Inside This Enlightening Episode:


The Essence of Self-Compassion: Discover why self-compassion is a foundational element for supportive parenting and how it enhances our children’s growth.


Common Misconceptions: Learn about the common misconceptions that prevent parents from truly embracing self-compassion, and why knowing isn’t the same as practicing.


Practical Exercises: Dive into strategies like grounding meditations and loving kindness practices, offering you a tangible experience of self-compassion that you can integrate into your daily life.


Children with Compassionate Inner Voices: Understand the pivotal role of modeling self-compassion to our children, teaching them through our actions and authenticity rather than just words.


Resources for Your Journey: Gain access to invaluable resources designed to guide you towards a more peaceful, self-compassionate parenting approach.


Whether you’re exploring self-compassion for the first time or looking to deepen your practice, this episode is a treasure trove of insights, strategies, and real-life applications. 🌟


🔗 Listen now to transform your parenting journey with the power of self-compassion. Click here to dive into this must-listen episode.

Transcript

DAJANA YOAKLEY

0:01

Hi, I'm Dajana Yoakley.

0:03

I'm a peaceful parenting coach and mom of three, and I'm delighted to give you the latest science-backed research on child development, parenting, and to support you in showing up as the parent that you want to be.

0:15

Hello, everybody.

0:16

Welcome.

0:17

Thanks for joining me today.

0:18

I'm here with Heidi Garcia, one of my fellow parenting coaches, coworkers.

0:25

And yeah, we're going to talk today about self-compassion and the power of using self-compassion in really supporting our children's ability to become more resilient down the road.

0:38

Welcome, Heidi.

0:38

So glad to have you here today.

HEIDI GARCIA

0:40

Thank you so much for having me.

0:41

I'm so excited to talk about this.

0:43

And thank you to everybody who's listening.

DAJANA YOAKLEY

0:46

Yeah.

0:46

Yeah.

0:46

And you know, I love self-compassion.

0:49

I know you do too.

0:50

And we were kind of talking before we started recording about how so often when parents are told you should really be more compassionate to yourself, it kind of lands like not so, it kind of lands flat.

1:02

Right.

1:02

And so can you tell us a little bit about, yeah, a little bit more about why does that and what would be a different reframe?

1:08

Yeah.

HEIDI GARCIA

1:09

Well, I think that there's a couple of reasons why it does.

1:12

And I think, but I think the biggest one is probably that it really speaks to our rational brain.

1:19

So we, people can tell us you need to be self-compassionate or, you know, the idea that we often use with our kids that, you know, you can't do better by feeling worse.

1:28

And that makes complete and total sense to our logical brain, but it doesn't seep in enough for us to actually do the practice.

1:37

Yeah.

1:39

So that's why that was certainly my experience and that's been the experience of a lot of the parents that I talked to.

1:45

And so I try to sort of shift things a little bit so that we're not just talking about it, making us better parents, but how it actually makes our life as parents and also just in general, more enjoyable.

1:59

The funny thing is that it is actually, once we start to do it, we realize that it actually is true that it makes it easier for us to be the parents that we want to be.

2:11

And it makes it so that our kids are developing these skills in a natural manner.

2:14

So it's doing all of the things that we're told are what's behind self-compassion from the beginning.

2:20

But just being told those things doesn't get the majority of change.

DAJANA YOAKLEY

2:26

Mm-hmm.

2:27

Yeah, so how do you think parents can get started?

2:30

So are, yeah, or even if we're talking to other parents, and we were wanting to say, like, let's be, you should really try being more compassionate, is that what would be a different way to help them kind of start embodying it versus feeling like they have to go study it?

HEIDI GARCIA

2:46

Yeah, so one of my favorite things to do with people that I work with is we open the majority of our sessions with some sort of very brief grounding type meditation.

2:58

And I would say about two thirds of the time, that is one round of loving kindness, either offered to ourselves, which is more purely self-compassion or alternatively,

3:11

Because of the nature of parent coaching, you know, it might be like, and what we're going to be talking about that day, it might be offering it to our kids.

3:18

But usually what I do is give parents that experience of really feeling what it feels like they have offered themselves that loving kindness.

3:30

And I find that that really helps parents to shift into thinking, oh, self-compassion is a good thing that I really should bring more of into my life.

3:39

Mm-hmm.

DAJANA YOAKLEY

3:40

So it's where it's like, instead of telling them about self-compassion to start, we show them, we basically give them the experience of it without, without pre disclosing it and necessarily, right.

3:52

We're not sitting there telling them the instructions.

3:54

We're, we're actually just offering it.

3:56

Yeah.

3:58

And can we talk a little bit about, Oh, go ahead.

4:00

Sorry.

HEIDI GARCIA

4:01

I was going to say that often after practicing it, then I think it's explained what's going on and how this works, but having that experience of it working, whatever exactly working means for that particular, at that particular moment is going to be a lot more motivating than the science, for example, of why.

4:20

Mm-hmm.

DAJANA YOAKLEY

4:22

Yeah, because they're getting like the oxytocin and dopamine and the serotonin.

4:27

They're getting kind of the feel good chemicals, the endorphins of the actual compassion that they're getting.

4:33

And that is a stronger motivator than willpower, right?

4:38

To return to an activity.

HEIDI GARCIA

4:40

Definitely.

4:41

It's a stronger motivator because that's the way our bodies work.

4:44

Our brains are not designed to have a lot of willpower.

4:47

4:48

I mean, really to have any, our brains and our bodies are designed to feed off of these chemicals.

4:55

And so if we actually experience them, then our bodies are going to want more of them, which means that they're going to want to give us more self-compassion.

DAJANA YOAKLEY

5:01

Yeah, no, I love that.

5:02

And it really, it makes me think of kind of the parallel of how, you know, working with clients, that's kind of the approach we take, but then parents will often come and say like, I want my, you know, how am I supposed to teach self-compassion to my kids?

5:14

Because I don't really take self-compassion breaks in front of my kids, or I don't talk like in these words of self-compassion in front of them.

5:22

So how can I teach them?

5:24

Because, and maybe they've tried to do it in a very practical way and the kids are just bored.

5:29

They're not interested or it just doesn't resonate with them.

5:32

So can we talk a little bit about how this is kind of a very similar parallel to how we get kids?

HEIDI GARCIA

5:38

It is very, very similar.

5:40

And that's a very common problem that people don't do it in front of their kids.

5:45

And what I would say, first of all, I would say, if you're not doing self-compassion yet, but you want your kids to be able to do self-compassion and to be compassionate towards themselves, you need to start doing self-compassion.

6:00

not necessarily in front of them.

6:01

It's totally fine if you don't do it in front of them, especially in the beginning, but because our kids are much more attuned to what we do and who we are than to what we say and what we try to teach them.

6:14

And they're also very attuned to how congruent we are.

6:19

So if we talked to them about how good self-compassion is, but they're like, yeah, you don't speak very kindly to yourself.

6:27

It's that you don't speak very kindly to yourself that's going to stick.

6:31

And the rest of it is actually going to undermine our efforts because they're going to be like, you say this is important, but you sure don't act like it's important.

6:40

So that's why I really think it's really about doing it for ourselves first.

6:44

And then once we feel like we really are

6:48

embracing this in our own lives, we can start doing it in front of our children, but not necessarily in a like, you know, sit them down and this is how you do self-compassion break.

6:58

This is how you do loving kindness meditation.

7:01

This is how you do whatever more.

7:03

And it just does sort of like weaving little pieces of it in

7:07

to the day so for example that might mean that when your child is um sitting there having a meltdown i say sitting they're probably not sitting yeah you rather than leave the room you if you can stay there and do it um and they'll probably look at you weird especially the first time yeah yeah completely so far gone that they don't even notice you i'm right yeah

7:34

So there are ways that as we get a little bit more comfortable, we can do a little bit of modeling.

7:39

I also think that there is some room for discussing the elements of self-compassion.

7:45

So like, while I wouldn't teach like a young child, so let's say under middle school, how to do a self-compassion break as a general matter, I do to my kids and I encourage my clients to talk to their kids about the different elements of self-compassion.

8:03

Mm-hmm.

HEIDI GARCIA

8:04

We do talk about mindfulness.

8:06

We talk about being kind to ourselves.

8:08

Like a really great thing in the car, even if you're a better driver than I am, because your kids are sitting behind you, that is really taking the pressure off.

8:19

So you can sit there and it may be like, oh, I just did this thing that wasn't quite the way I was supposed to do it when I was driving.

8:26

Or it might be like, oh, you know, this thing that happened earlier today, I cannot believe what I did, but

8:31

you know, share with them that you've made mistakes, which reinforces the idea of common humanity because they realize that like, oh, my mom also makes mistakes or my mom also feels frustrated sometimes or these sorts of things.

8:44

And so they stop feeling quite so alone in that.

8:47

And then we can also say, oh,

8:49

say as part of that conversation or as part of a different conversation after we've had that conversation with them several times, you know, this is what I did to help myself feel a little bit better.

8:58

So we're showing them that self-kindness piece.

9:02

I think, you know, that mindfulness thing is a little bit harder to do strictly through modeling.

9:09

You can, you can do it to a certain extent, like talking about like, oh, I feel my muscles tensing up and that sort of thing.

9:15

But that does require a little bit more experience on the part of the child.

9:20

So that's, I do think it can be really helpful in kids.

9:24

Most kids really do like sort of like mindfulness activities, such as like the five senses activities, you know, like

9:32

name five things you see four things you can touch that sort of thing um so there are little things that we can do to help build mindfulness in them you know talk to them about like oh you're you know when they say like they're really mad about something like and they're not in the moment of a meltdown and being really mad like talk to you talk to them about you know what did you feel in your body and that sort of thing so there are things that we can do that are a little bit more directive teaching but they're all but they have a real experiential component to them that help them

10:00

mindfulness piece of self-compassion.

DAJANA YOAKLEY

10:03

Yeah.

10:03

Yeah.

10:03

I love that because kids are so concrete under like what age 10 or 12, they're so concrete in their thinking and that something as abstract as common humanity, it doesn't really resonate.

10:15

Right.

10:15

Or even mindfulness and presence.

10:17

And so bringing it into more of like their language, the way that they would yeah.

10:23

How this would resonate with a child and based on their brain development, like age appropriate.

10:28

HEIDI GARCIA

10:29

Yeah, yeah, no, absolutely.

10:30

And yeah, so age appropriateness, comfort, you know, one of the a lot of people that I work with have kids who are very defended against their emotion.

10:39

And which is one of the reasons why I love the talking in the car when they're sitting behind you.

10:44

Yeah, it does help to lower that defense a little bit, because they don't on the spot.

10:52

A wide variety of ways that we can sort of observe our children and see what the best way is to teach this to them without force feeding it to them.

11:02

Right.

DAJANA YOAKLEY

11:02

And especially as they get into the preteen years and the teen years, there is this kind of this natural autonomy that arises, well, developmentally appropriate, but it's this like natural, a little bit of separation, a little bit of resistance to what the parent is saying, even if it feels like the parent is on there, trying to be on their side, the child may want to feel like, well, it was my idea, my idea, I don't want it to always be, I have to say yes to your ideas.

11:29

11:30

Any thoughts around how we begin to talk to these older kids about it?

11:36

Because it does become, of course, really important for teens and young adults to kind of figure this out on their own, to kind of find their own kind of

11:46

you know, it's almost like we're creating this world around them so they can find it without letting them know that we've created it around them.

HEIDI GARCIA

11:54

Yeah.

11:55

That is such a great way to describe it.

11:56

I love that because we're just trying to create the environment where they can do this.

12:01

So as kids get older, I think that talking more about like, maybe you don't do your self-compassion practice in front of them, but talking to them about what you do

12:12

can really, really help.

12:14

And it, cause it's planting the seed, but it's letting it be their idea, whether to actually do it or not.

12:19

Oh, right.

12:20

Uh-huh.

12:20

Giving them the choice.

12:22

Yeah.

12:23

And so you're, you can talk about, and I would mostly talk about it outside of the moment, at least initially.

12:30

And then later, you know, later you might be document more.

12:31

I'm like, you know what I do when I feel this way, I do this.

12:34

Helping kids be more aware of the sensations in their body and

12:39

is really, really helpful.

12:40

And you can do it with elementary school kids, but I would say that can be a really, really helpful tool for middle school kids and even high school kids because they have more linear sense.

12:53

And so you can really think about like, okay, you know, you're really, really mad.

12:56

And again, we don't have this conversation in the moment, but like, what were you feeling in those moments leading up to being really, really mad?

13:06

What does it feel like when you wanna run away?

13:08

Like what is a word that you would use to describe that?

13:11

When you just wanna shrink back, like are there any like specific words or maybe animal associations or something like that?

13:17

So really kind of have conversations with them outside of the moment

13:21

to give them these tools for understanding their early warning signs and then just kind of dropping that idea of one way to deal with it so that then when they actually are experiencing those early warning signs and are able to notice them, then they have an idea of something that they might want to try.

13:41

They might not because, you know, my mom said to do it.

13:44

But if you've not been too directive about that, I think there's a good way.

13:49

Right.

DAJANA YOAKLEY

13:51

Yeah, I know.

13:51

I love that.

13:52

And that kind of goes back to what we were saying in the beginning about role modeling for the child, not only to stay more present and patient with them, but to show them what it looks like.

14:04

Yeah.

14:05

Yeah.

14:05

It's kind of like cyclical, um, in terms of how I'm thinking about it, but yeah, maybe any other thoughts around, like, um, we kind of started off talking about, um, how really, um, self-compassion is like being how it helps us get through the moment being self-compassionate, um,

14:23

to actually show the child like, look, I'm not gonna blow up.

14:27

I'm not yelling because I'm being self-compassionate.

14:30

Any other thoughts around kind of the power of self-compassion and as a resource for parenting?

HEIDI GARCIA

14:36

You know, the biggest thing I would say is that being self-compassionate is what allows us to enjoy parenting.

14:44

And it's what allows us to be present.

14:47

At least that's many people's experience.

14:49

Like they might be able to be present up to a certain point.

14:52

But self-compassion is often a breakthrough practice that really helps parents to be present with their kids.

15:01

Which also going back to this idea that we've been talking about, about modeling, you know, our kids are going to notice that and they're going to realize like, oh, as uncomfortable as it might be for 90 seconds or however long.

15:14

the emotion lasts, like there are some real advantages to being present.

15:19

And I see that in my parents and I want to have that in my life.

15:23

So I want to try out the tools that they use that help them.

DAJANA YOAKLEY

15:30

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15:47

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15:51

Yeah, I don't know if you wanted to talk a little bit more about if we so let's say we're working with some younger kids, maybe like, you know, preschooler to elementary school age.

16:03

Any other kind of practical ways to.

16:07

that doesn't feel so directive.

16:08

So when we're, you were saying like, you know, talk about it, but without being so directive, any like maybe fun ways to play games with it, or you mentioned about like the five senses.

16:20

I think that's so powerful, even for adults to start becoming more mindful and present with what

16:26

is happening in the moment, but how we translate that into our parenting.

16:31

And with peaceful parenting, we would talk about like daily special time or regular special time and connection.

16:37

How can we kind of integrate these into a little bit more of a practical way?

HEIDI GARCIA

16:41

without making it like a directive yeah yeah that's you know young kids it's really challenging sometimes because i would say overall and this goes back to my self-compassion is so important for parents what we want the most for our youngest kids especially those preschoolers is for them to feel their feelings no matter how hard it is on them or us especially on us which is why we need self-compassion

17:04

Yeah, yeah.

17:06

That said, there are things that you can do to get them started.

17:10

The five senses things is one of my favorite because it really is something that resonates really well for kids.

17:17

They're probably thinking about the senses in school.

17:20

They like understand this concept.

17:21

It's really easy.

17:23

And I think that's an incredibly important part.

17:26

A lot of kids don't want to talk about the sensations that they feel in their bodies, especially if they're upset.

17:33

But I do think that that if you have a practice of like kind of circling back to do teaching as part of like an empathy practice when your child is having a meltdown and you're trying to welcome all emotions, that can be a really great thing to sort of drop into the conversation is what were you feeling?

17:53

Because a lot of kids just don't understand.

17:57

And

17:59

as I think it's kind of related to this idea that I talk about sometimes about like kind of the doing culture that often comes with parenting more.

18:08

We think that like, oh, if my kid doesn't understand it's because they don't know the words.

18:14

And that might not actually be what it is.

18:15

It might just be that they are disconnected from what's happening in their body.

18:22

And that could be for a variety of reasons.

18:24

It could be lack of training.

18:26

And I say training somewhat loosely because I do want it to be a more casual sort of natural thing.

18:33

It could be like,

18:36

flight from vulnerability you know like they just all they they know enough to know that it feels bad and they don't want to get anywhere deeper right right why would they right it's like why would I go there yeah and so one of our jobs as parents um is to show them that even though it feels yucky in the moment it is okay to go there and we do that through being

19:02

you know, a witness for our children, which is what special time and all of these things are all about.

19:07

It's about being there for our child.

19:11

So honestly, I would say that the preventative maintenance practices, particularly special time, which is all about presence, if you're doing it well,

19:24

Empathy, which again is mostly about presence.

19:29

Really, really being empathetic with them and really being with their feelings as opposed to trying to help them get to the next stage.

19:37

Well, emotions, very similarly related.

19:39

I would say those ones in particular, just doing those things really are the most important things for us to do with young kids to help them start that path of becoming native speakers of self-compassion.

DAJANA YOAKLEY

19:55

And even roughhousing, as I'm thinking about it, roughhousing is laughter, getting them laughing, which is great for stress relief, but it has the secondary, well, maybe primary element of being present with what is still mindfully laughing too, which also makes sense.

HEIDI GARCIA

20:12

Yeah.

20:13

And also one of the other things that I really like about Ruffus, and I'm glad you brought that up because I often sort of don't put enough emphasis on it, is that it reminds us again on a body level that happiness and joy

20:29

and fund our values that we want in our lives.

20:33

And the more that our children experience that, and the more they experience it as something that's not just about childhood, but it's actually about the whole lifespan, the easier it's going to be for them to be self-compassionate as they get older.

20:46

Because I think one of the things that divorces a lot of us from self-compassion when we're adults is the idea that

20:55

we're, even though we don't want to admit it, we're kind of uncomfortable with feeling good.

DAJANA YOAKLEY

21:02

And even like when a child is like laughing really loud or like, just like sometimes even children roughhousing, which is loud play for like vocally, like just being like a

21:16

you know, just giddy or like overly excited, we dampen that sometimes too, right?

21:22

Because something about that feels unsafe.

21:26

And maybe that's what you were saying.

21:27

It kind of goes back to like some maybe early childhood triggers or why, you know, why would we not want to feel good?

21:35

Why would we not want to kind of fully really be present and mindful with this?

21:40

Same reason we don't want to be present and mindful with uncomfortable feelings.

HEIDI GARCIA

21:44

Yeah.

21:45

Yeah, no, absolutely.

21:46

Absolutely.

DAJANA YOAKLEY

21:48

Yeah.

21:49

Yeah.

21:49

And it kind of reminds me of the feelings wheel, really becoming comfortable with all the feelings on the feelings wheel and showing our children the same.

21:58

But again, back to our point about really role modeling this.

22:01

Yeah.

22:02

And, you know, starting, so maybe we can just kind of go back to like, what can parents do to kind of wrap up?

22:10

What can parents do to begin to be more self-compassionate with themselves?

22:16

It's hard to start and it's hard to stay the course.

22:18

I think sometimes when you're starting it until you kind of get like a reward loop going with the neurotransmitters.

22:25

So any advice on practical ways to start and mindset shifts?

HEIDI GARCIA

22:28

Yeah.

22:30

I don't think we need to worry too much initially at my, about mindset shifts beyond just, so I always say to approach anything like this with, from the perspective of curiosity, like I'm just, I'm doing an experiment.

22:42

I'm going to see if it works because then we're not, we're taking the pressure off of ourselves to be better.

22:47

Yeah.

22:50

So I would really just like approach it from that perspective.

22:53

And then the other thing that I usually talk about this in the context of building a meditation practice, but it does apply to this as well, is you don't need to do it for a really long period of time.

23:05

You don't need to do it in like, you know, sit down and be quiet sort of way.

23:12

You can kind of just do it in your everyday life.

23:14

So a wonderful example that actually comes from Dr. Laura Markham is offering loving kindness to people when you're sitting in a traffic jam.

23:26

We also can't do anything.

23:28

So it's a great time to practice loving kindness, which also has the benefit of being a, because it's a chanting practice.

23:35

I typically do it with like, and in sessions with clients, I would do it like with eyes closed because we're sitting down conversation.

23:43

You can do it with your eyes open so that traffic starts moving a couple of inches.

23:49

You're able to go.

DAJANA YOAKLEY

23:50

Yeah.

HEIDI GARCIA

23:51

So I would, I would really encourage parents to take the pressure off and find little ways that they can do this.

23:58

Another related practice that I think really builds on this because it goes into the whole idea of we want to feel good is going on glimmer walks.

24:07

Like if you have, especially if you have to do something like walk your dog, for example, because a lot of times, again, people, especially parents can be very resistant to the idea that they should do something for them.

24:22

Right.

24:23

So even though I think that is ultimately our goal is for the parent to feel good, it can be helpful to sort of piggyback on something that is for a child or obligatory, like walking the dog or whatever.

24:35

And so rather than just taking the dog out for a walk, take the dog out for a walk in a very mindful way that brings your attention to things that make you happy.

24:47

So those are the ways that I would recommend that parents get started with mindful self-compassion and then just notice how you feel.

24:54

And the experience that I have seen over and over again is that when people feel the benefits of self-compassion, they want to do it.

DAJANA YOAKLEY

25:05

Yeah.

25:05

I think that's the reward loop of the feel good hormones that get released.

25:09

And it's like, oh, this actually did alleviate my stress.

25:12

It actually lowered the cortisol and adrenaline in my blood.

25:14

And so now I want more of that.

25:17

It becomes kind of that dopamine hunt.

25:19

Like, okay, next time, this is what I'm seeking out.

25:23

Yeah.

25:24

Because it worked because it does work.

HEIDI GARCIA

25:26

Yeah, absolutely.

25:27

Absolutely.

DAJANA YOAKLEY

25:29

I love how you highlighted the non-striving, which is essential to self-compassion.

25:33

It's self-compassionate to not strive to be self-compassionate.

HEIDI GARCIA

25:36

Right.

25:37

It's so hard.

25:38

It's a paradox.

25:39

So counter-cultural.

25:41

Like I remember seeing in a meditation class and everyone was like, this makes no sense.

25:45

How can you not strive?

DAJANA YOAKLEY

25:49

It goes against what your brain's trying to do in the moment.

25:51

Yeah.

HEIDI GARCIA

25:53

But it is so paradoxical, like you say, that when we let go of striving, all of a sudden, we get to where we were striving to often.

26:04

Not always, but often.

DAJANA YOAKLEY

26:05

Right.

26:06

Right.

26:06

Because the, yeah, and just for anyone listening that's not familiar with this concept, it's the letting go.

26:13

It's the surrender that gets you the release of where you're trying to go.

26:18

It's not through trying to climb the

26:20

up this rocky thing to get there, that's striving.

26:24

And that's like resisting what is, so that's the mindfulness piece, right?

26:28

Because when you're mindful with what is, you're surrendering to the present moment.

26:32

And that allows you to feel your feelings and get the message because all feelings are messages, right?

26:39

And so it's like, what's the message?

26:41

Because if we're not mindful, we don't, we're not there to open up the envelope.

26:45

That's great.

26:46

That's right.

HEIDI GARCIA

26:46

That's a great image.

26:47

I like that a lot.

26:48

Yeah.

DAJANA YOAKLEY

26:49

Yeah, I love that.

26:50

Awesome.

26:50

Would you wrap up with a little bit of where people can find you and kind of the services that you provide?

HEIDI GARCIA

26:55

Absolutely.

26:57

So the best places to find me are on my website or Instagram.

27:00

My website is www.heidigarciaparenting.com.

27:05

And on Instagram, I'm at Heidi Garcia Parenting.

27:08

And so those are the two best places to find me.

27:11

When you go to the website, there is obviously a lot more information about my practice, but also some information to get you started, like a workbook on how to embody peace.

27:23

And self-compassion is a huge part of that because at the end of the day, you know, my goal is to move parents from doing parenting to being peaceful parents.

27:34

For a variety of reasons, the biggest one being that it feels better and it's more enjoyable.

27:41

So when it comes to the work that I do with parents directly, when we have one-on-one sessions or when we have group sessions, it's really my goal is to help parents to tap in to their innate wisdom and their ability to really see and observe their child and respond to their child in the

28:03

So that is almost always going to be something from peaceful parenting.

28:08

Right.

28:08

It might not look the way you expect it to look, especially as is the case with many of my clients.

28:17

If you have a child who's highly sensitive, who has ADHD, anxious, who's gifted.

28:23

um, all of these sort of neurodivergence, oftentimes we find we need to tweak the practices.

28:28

And when we think about it deeply, we realize, oh, we're doing the practice all the way it was meant to be practiced, but it doesn't, we don't realize that in the beginning because it's not what people told us it was going to look like.

DAJANA YOAKLEY

28:42

Yeah.

28:42

I love that.

28:43

I love that.

28:44

Um, yeah, it can be like a little bit of a disconnect, but then you're, you kind of realize like, oh, actually this is what is the intention of this practice.

HEIDI GARCIA

28:53

Yeah, exactly.

28:54

I mean, that was definitely my experience.

28:57

And that's been the experience of so many people that I have talked to and that I've worked with.

29:02

And they're like, oh, yeah, this is this is good.

29:05

And then the other amazing thing is when that happens, parenting becomes easier and easier.

29:13

Parenting becomes more enjoyable.

DAJANA YOAKLEY

29:15

Yes, which is the ultimate goal.

29:16

And I love that you highlighted that bringing the joy back into parenting, because that was the motivation to start this journey anyway, right?

29:24

For most of us.

29:25

So yeah, yeah.

HEIDI GARCIA

29:27

So we wanted to actually do that.

29:32

Absolutely.

29:33

Absolutely.

29:33

Yeah.

DAJANA YOAKLEY

29:34

I love that.

29:35

Awesome.

29:35

Thank you so much for joining me today and sharing with us about these insightful topics and really appreciate you being here.

29:44

Thank you so much.

HEIDI GARCIA

29:44

Thank you so much for having me.

DAJANA YOAKLEY

29:46

If you enjoyed this podcast and would like additional resources to support you in your parenting journey,

29:51

My free gift to you is access to my parenting membership with a free 30 day trial where you'll find bite-sized video and audio strategies, scripts, masterclasses, a private community with parents just like you and weekly group coaching calls directly with me and so much more.

30:07

Go to delightinparenting.com backslash membership to learn more.

32:18

If you enjoyed this podcast and would like additional resources to support you in your parenting journey, my free gift to you is access to my parenting membership with a free 30 day trial where you'll find bite-sized video and audio strategies, scripts, masterclasses, a private community with parents just like you and weekly group coaching calls directly with me and so much more.

32:40

Go to delightinparenting.com backslash membership to learn more.

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